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Come as you are : the surprising new science that will transform your sex life
- Author / Creator
- Available as
- Physical
- Summary
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"A revised and updated edition of Emily Nagoski's game-changing New York Times bestseller Come As You Are, featuring new information and research on mindfulness, desire, and pleasure that will radi...
"A revised and updated edition of Emily Nagoski's game-changing New York Times bestseller Come As You Are, featuring new information and research on mindfulness, desire, and pleasure that will radically transform your sex life"--
Details
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- Creator
- Emily Nagoski, Ph.D
- Format
- Books
- Language
- English
- Publication
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- Simon & Schuster trade paperback edition, revised and updated
- New York, NY : Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, 2021
- ©2021
- Physical Details
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- xi, 382 pages : illustrations ; 23 cm
- ISBNs
- 1982165316, 9781982165314, 9781982165321, 9781982107338
- OCLC
- on1198088902, on1162985612
- Includes bibliographical references and index.
- The True Story of Sex -- The Organization of This Book -- A Couple of Caveats -- If You Feel Broken, or Know Someone Who Does -- pt. 1 The (Not-So-Basic) Basics -- 1. Anatomy: No Two Alike -- The Beginning -- The Clit, the Whole Clit, and Nothing but the Clit -- Meet Your Clitoris -- Lips, Both Great and Small -- Hymen Truths -- A Word on Words -- The Sticky Bits -- Intersex Parts -- Why It Matters -- Change How You See -- A Better Metaphor -- What It Is, Not What It Means -- 2. The Dual Control Model: Your Sexual Personality -- Turn On the Ons, Turn Off the Offs -- Your Sexual Temperament -- What "Medium" Means -- Different for Girls... Sometimes -- What Turns You On? -- Can You Change Your Brain? -- 3. Context: And the "One Ring" (to Rule Them All) in Your Emotional Brain -- Sensation in Context -- Sex, Rats, and Rock `n' Roll -- Liking, Wanting, and Learning -- You Can't Make Them -- "Is Something Wrong with Me?" (Answer: Nope) -- pt. 2 Sex In Context -- 4. Emotional Context: Sex in a Monkey Brain -- The Stress Response Cycle; Fight, Flight, and Freeze -- Stress and Sex -- Broken Culture [] Broken Stress Response Cycles -- Complete the Cycle! -- When Sex Becomes the Lion -- Sex and the Survivor -- Origin of Love -- The Science of Falling in Love -- Attachment and Sex: The Dark Side -- Attachment and Sex: Sex That Advances the Plot -- Attachment Style -- Managing Attachment: Your Feels as a Sleepy Hedgehog -- Survival of the Social -- The Water of Life -- 5. Cultural Context: A Sex-Positive Life in a Sex-Negative World -- Three Messages You Are Beautiful -- Criticizing Yourself = Stress = Reduced Sexual Pleasure -- Health at Every Size -- "Dirty" -- When Somebody "Yucks" Your "Yum" -- Maximizing Yum... with Science! Part 1: Self-Compassion -- Maximizing Yum... with Science! Part 2: Cognitive Dissonance -- Maximizing Yum... with Science! Part 3: Media Nutrition You Do You -- pt. 3 Sex In Action -- 6. Arousal: Lubrication Is Not Causation -- Measuring and Defining Nonconcordance -- All the Same Parts, Organized in Different Ways: "This Is a Restaurant" -- Nonconcordance in Other Emotions -- Lubrication Error #1: Genital Response = Desire -- Lubrication Error #2: Genital Response = Pleasure -- Lubrication Error #3: Nonconcordance Is a Problem -- "Honey... I'm Nonconcordant!" -- 7. Desire: Spontaneous, Responsive, and Magnificent -- Desire = Pleasure in Context -- Good News! It's Probably Not Your Hormones -- More Good News! It's Not Monogamy, Either -- "Why Can't I Just Take a Pill?" -- It Might Be the Chasing Dynamic -- "Sex Worth Wanting" -- Sharing Your Garden -- pt. 4 Ecstasy For Everybody -- 8. Orgasm: Pleasure Is the Measure -- Nonconcordance -- Now with Orgasms! -- No Two Alike -- All the Same Parts -- Your Vagina's Okay, Either Way -- Difficulty with Orgasm -- Impatient Little Monitors -- Ecstatic Orgasm: You're a Flock! -- How Do You Medicate a Flock? -- Flying Toward Ecstasy -- 9. Love What's True: The Ultimate Sex-Positive Context -- Why Confidence Is Not Enough -- Step 1 Your Feelings Are Always True -- The Map and the Terrain: A Tool for Reality Checking -- Step 2 The Hard Part (Or, How to "Nonjudging") -- Nonjudging 1 "No Good Reason" -- Nonjudging 2 Healing Trauma -- Nonjudging 3 Pain -- Nonjudging 4 Pleasure -- Nonjudging 5 Mourning the "Shoulds" -- "To Feel Normal" -- Conclusion: You Are the Secret Ingredient -- Why I Wrote This Book -- Where to Look for More Answers