Introduction -- The fair s-x -- (Blip) is beautiful -- Come back, Nipper! Where are you, Chessie? -- A slight case of ecology -- From 39102 to 36601, from 38101 to 64502, wherever the four winds blow -- Look, no earthquake! -- Humming a different tune -- Block that chickenfurter -- Is it an O.K. word, usewise? -- The truth about Walt Disney -- Perelman revisited -- Mowbot, get lost -- The right to fail -- Goodbye (whoosh) forever -- Farewell to shuffleboard -- Commencement address -- The memoir bore -- Annual report of the National Refractory & Brake Company -- An apple a day keeps the flexowriter away -- Peabody's complaint -- Clown college -- Calling all monuments -- Jury duty -- Blondie -- Quenchless me and omphalocentric you -- The glass office -- "Thank God for nuts" -- Doctor Dolittle -- The map addict
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